Back from HK/ Macau

hmmm, back from holidays. been away for too long that i'm starting to miss home. damned, i've not finished writing about my taipei trip nor have i finished my disastrous phuket trip and now i still have my hongkong and macau trip to write about. i've been wondering about my holidays and i really didn't enjoy myself too much as i've got to take care of my parent's and sis's intinerary and be their guide. i guess i need to make a personal trip alone to do things that i really wanted to do.

so what lessons have i brought back this time? the balance of wants and needs. the questions of what i want and need props up again. as i walk along nathan rd in tsimshatsui with all the shops bombarding and beckoning me to buy. i felt abit excessive and pondered to myself. do i really need all this? am i harbouring too much for my own good? mistakenly thinking that i need all those things? how much is too much or enough? so what i have all those? am i satisfied with a small cafe, drinking tea or coffee my whole life away or do i want to be top of the world?

with this in mind, i set about revamping my life again. taking a first small step in my life, i'm taking a closer look at my wardrobe. mind you, i occupy a 4 door wardrobe and 4 drawers. all for my clothes and etcs. it's a bit too much as i don't wear all my clothes in it, it's just occupying space. books piling up on my desk to be read and notes are scattered all over. i need a room make over and it's time to visit ikea again.

Phuket - a disaster trip [day1]

just reach home at 9pm and i rush off to get a new camera for my hongkong trip tomolo... well let me start from the beginning...

 

i'm flying on tigerair that my colleague book online for 132sgd. the flight's at morning 0710 and as usual, i'm late for it. actually i woke up at 515 and we're meeting at 6 at the budget terminal but the night before, i slept late at 230am [more like dozing off] preparing for my parent's trip to hongkong. i fell asleep at my computer desk. after brushing my teeth and pack my stuff, i type out the instructions on how to get to the hotel, the location and things to do for the day and a half before i arrive in hk. by the time i've finished, it was 0555am. i reach the airport at 630am and we checked in 5 mins later. well, i guess i'm pushing my luck but thanks to the efficieny of the s'pore airport, i think that even if you check in 30mins before, it shouldn't be a problem thou i know they usually close their counter 20mins before boarding time, not that i wanna try the system. i managed to get my self a O'brians sandwich at 8.15sgd, my goodness. i can't imagine me paying this in s'pore.

 

DAY 1

anyway, maybe i got used to the normal airline, once on board on the airbus 320, i felt it was cramped and there was lots of kids. therefore, it was noisy. luckily, we sat at the back so it wasn't that bad. we reached phuket in the morning at 745am phuket time [ 1hr slower] and the flight is only 1 and a half hours. we reach the hotel patong bay resort at 830am and guess what, the check in is only available at 1pm so we got roughly 5hours to spare. in the morning, phuket is like a dead town and shops usually opens at 10-11am. we changed into beach attire in the lobby toilet and left out luggage with the concierge and headed for the beach. somehow along the way, we met another of our colleague at the beach, we know that he'll be in phuket for 2 days but hey, it was such a coincidence. he suggested we head for phuket town instead as there's nothing to do here now. we paid 20baht for the 30-40mins bus ride to town and it's just like the 70-early 80s s'pore bus, everybody just cramped into it.

 

we got off somewhere near the town and into this shopping centre called Central or something. it's like s'pore neighbourhood shopping mall with some pricy labels. we had lunch in a ramen shop and search for some bargains in the shop. anyway, the clothes there are similarly priced compared to s'pore so no big deal. however, my friend managed to get an adidas polo tee and shorts for only 40sgd, i think he save around 30over dollars. after stoning there till 12plus, we caught a tutut back to our hotel. it cost us 360bt for 6 of us. my colleague's galfren managed to bargain 40bt off by telling him 360 is easier to divide among 6 of us than 400. haha. first time i've heard it.

 

after checking in, we headed for the beach to stone and swim for the afternoon. we headed out to look for snacks to sustain our stomach till 7pm before meeting our colleague for seafood dinner. we took some pictures on the snacks we're eating when disaster 1 struck, my fren dropped my sony camera while taking photos. i dun know how he did it but after passing my cam to him and turn my back, i heard the sound. usually when i dropped my cam, it was in off mode but now, the mechanism jammed and it couldn't retract the lens. damned, first day on my trip, my camera's out of order.

well, since there's nothing both of us can do short of spoiling the trip, he's appointed as my personal photographer.

 

we walk around the area till 715pm before my colleague arrived. we then headed for one of the seafood restuarants. we ordered 2 squids, 3 crayfish, 6 king prawns, 2 small crabs [like those u find in the coffeeshop], a tomyam soup and a vege. total bill for 6 = 250sgd [who said phuket is cheap?]. to me, it's bloody expensive and it wasn't that nice. i could have gotten better food in s'pore with the price i'm paying.

 

after dinner, we walk around again and for place to shop and chill. as it was the king's birthday, lots of bars/pubs/7-11 are not selling alcohol. it's funny watching lots of angmos drinking coke in a bar as we walk along blanga soi, it's so uncharacteristic of them haha. most of the bars and pubs are closed for the night so we ended up at the beach watching angmos paying ridiculous price ~ 200bt [10sgd] for a hotair lantern that the thais would burn the solid fuel and watch it float into the sky. after sometime, we walk into a sports shop and i got myself a adidas polo tee and a singlet for 50sgd total. we then headed for thai massage. now, this shop looks the best among all that we have seen along the way, the interior looks new, clean and neat, surrounded by glass panels. my frens chose foot massage while i took thai massage. we then proceed to wash our feet and drank tee before we had our massage. it wasn't a room to begin with as the place is glass paneled so the massage lady drew all the curtains and asked me to change into the clothes provided, then disaster 2 struck, as she massage me, i realised that she was concentrating on my thighs and later, she start to massage my balls. now contemplate this, the lady which is in her late 30s or early 40s with a below average face which i can't tell whether she's female or lady boy started to massage your balls and expect you to erect. arrrgggg, i have nightmares... i quickly told her to stop and skip the part as i'm not into this kind of activities [with or without pretty face]. it spoils my whole experience and my night as i felt raped haha. we then headed back to the hotel to turn it for the night.

 

 

 

 

 

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Holidaying again!!! Yay!!!

Hmmm, i've not even finished writing my blog on taipei and i'm leaving for holiday again. Later today in the wee hours, i'll be waking up at 0445 to prep myself to the airport for 0710 flight to phuket. however, this time will be slightly different. i'm taking my virgin flight on a budget airline, tiger airways instead of the usual SQ. somehow, i've gotten so used to SQ that whenever i take anyother flight and when they miss out something, i'll start to whine to myself why aren't they like SQ. So far, my experience with the european airlines have been quite disappointing. well, enough of the crap.

 

the weird feeling has gotten into me again. i'm thinking now that i'm typing my blog and later in the day, i'll be in phuket, enjoying the sun, booze, spa and the gals, hahaha in a way, it'll be different as i've always travelled to the city instead of resorts or a more layback province. this time, i'm gonna take it slow and enjoy the wind in my face as later in the week, i'll be hustling and bustling in hongkong/macau for my second part of the trip.

 

i really love travelling, it gives me a sense of uncertainty, curiosity of a new place that makes me wanna explore further which will amaze me in one way or another. maybe i'm sick of singapore. not the fact that i want to migrate but just the need of fresh air and a new perspective. i remember sitting at tel aviv beach near the old jaffa town looking at sunset across the mediterranean sea. the sun has never look so big, round and red before and it just slowly but surely disappeared into the horizon. i never felt so peaceful and calm for a long time.  

 

i've learned to appreciate different cultures and realised that my local papers are a load of bullshit. despite the neverending propaganda saying how good we are and how bad other countries are, when i was in that country, i see the lighter side of it and people making the best out of the system. things still function thou not as efficient as us but i can feel the heart, the human factor and the sincerity in it. after travelling to quite a number of countries, i've realised that we're sterile and why we lack the buzz factor compared to hongkong or even taipei. the former two countries might seem chaotic but it's organised chaos. people found ways to  function efficiently in an chaotic environment and that is what makes them buzz. we? we're like traffic light, always waiting for lights to change before making any movement, too systematic for our own good. and one thing's for sure, i lost the trust in my local papers, they're not giving new perspective but just regurgitating old thoughts and lack of courage to be neutral in reporting.

 

well, i think i'm gonna sleep later, still got to plan an itinerary for my parents on what to do in hongkong before i get to meet them. till then my frens, i'll try to update my latest trip and finished my taipei discovery when i'm back on the 13th. :)

 

 

 

 

Back from Taiwan part 2 - the beginning...

it's must be tiring for me for the past few days as I've slept from 1am in the morning to 5pm today. damn, when i woke up, the whole day have almost past and i ponder to myself, what have i done again...

 

well, let me recalled on my taiwan trip before the memory leaves me. the trip begins on the 3rd Nov, i remember working till 8pm the day before due to the last minute adjustment to the layout of the magazine. it totally spoils my plan as i need to collect my contact lens from the optical shop for my trip, see a doctor for my bad cough. by the time i reach northpoint, both have already closed and that leaves me with only 1 pair for the trip and a bad cough. i started packing at 12am and by the time i'm done, it was already 3am plus... i finally get to sleep at 4am in the morning and i got to be up by 8. i dragged myself up at 830 and still stoned from the lack of sleep. i need to photocopy my jap notes for my classmates, see a doctor for my bad cough and finished packing the little last minute stuffs like toothbrush, facial wash etc. well, the photocopy shop's haven't open and i didn't have time to rush to the clinic (which i later regretted) and by the time i left home, it was 1030am, the time which i'm supposed to meet my my fellow travelling colleagues. the thing is, it's hard, extremely hard to get a cab in Yishun after 930am, i think they must have gone for a break or wondering around in the city as there's no shit in sight. i gave up and took a bus instead. as i'm taking SIA, the flight's in T2. now, because of the security thing going around, every buses or large vehicles that goes into the terminals needs to be check by the CISCO guards. there's something i don't understand, what's their purpose and objective? i find that's a total waste of time for them to go up the buses as they don't check no shit, more like going thru the motion. i must be feeling damn pissed as i'm very late and there's more than 5 buses/vehicles infront of mine. it took more than 15mins to get going... by the time i met up wif them, it was 1130 and my flight is 1240.

 

when they saw me, they were complaining like why so late, must blanja makan etc. after finishing the check in, i rush off to mail my personal jap notes to my classmates as i din have the time to scan and email to her nor photocopy my notes. I'm quite thankful for the efficient service in the airport whether it's checkin or others. i remember reaching the HKIA one and a half hours before checkin and we're rushing like mad due to the long check in timing (they only open 2 counters for the economy flights), the immigration and the subway to the terminals. here in changi airport, one hour before my flight, after check in, i still have time for a subway sandwich and do some shopping.

 

i've taken lots of different airlines and i realised why SIA is among the best. They have the latest inflight movies. haha. other than that, the meals are not bad. i remember taking Swissair in jun, imagine it's a long haul flight and the inflight entertainment is down... and the food is only average... well, shortly after taking off, i started to cough... the sign of more to come.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Back from Taiwan part 1

I'm back from my holidays in taiwan with my frens and i really missed the place. it seemed so weird that i had kfc for lunch near taipei train station [trying out to see how it taste like] and walking in ximenting in the afternoon and now, i'm home typing about my experiences about the 10 days trip.

 

it sets me thinking about life and memories.

 

it seems so fragile and so precious.

 

all good things got to come to an end and so is the trip.

 

everyday is so precious that we got to live and enjoy every passing moment for once gone will only be memories, faded with time.

 

though i've travelled extensively. whenever i'm back home, i still feel weird that one moment i'm in this foreign place yet next i'm home. i guess i really like the place to feel this way. it's one of the more enjoyable country that i've visited. maybe it's the common language that we spoke, the fine weather, the lovely food stalls and the friendly and courteous people that i've met along the way.

 

i just fell in love with taiwan.

 

and i'm so glad to be there, backpacking for 10 days and i can't wait to go back there again.

 

 

 

 

Murphy's day

The day started all right and once i reached the hq for a briefing, it all went down from there...

the meeting ended quite early. by one o'clock in the afternoon, we were done. my colleague and i stayed to tidy up some work and then we were told to wait for a new laptop to be handed to us within an hour for our work . It was 240pm.

340pm. still no news

4pm. we checked with the tech guy and he said he'll hastenen things up

430pm. still not done.

445pm. my colleague needs to rush to other place to get some software and we split up. we'll meet back again to settle some work

5pm. Finally, it was ready.

515pm. i left the office. it took a freaking two and a half fucking hours to get the fucking laptop.
i called my colleague, he's having problems with the installation of the program. as the disk is not available they tried to copy the program with all the links but couldn't find the driver.

545pm. he said he'll try to finish by 630pm. i waited as all my belongings is in his car.

615pm. timing pushed to 7pm.

650pm. he's leaving the office. said will arrived by 715pm. i've been waiting for him for a fucking one and a half hours.

720pm. finally arrived. registration for the annual JLPT ends at 8pm and i dun have photos.

730pm. finally left the place heading for town.

755pm. reached toa payoh. searched for photo kiosk but was told even "instant" photo have to wait 20mins. wat the fuck!!!

810pm. found a photo booth in the mrt station, got the pics and headed for the train station. there's no cab and the expressway's jam.

815pm. waited 5mins for the fucking train. called JCSS but told that registration was closed

835pm. reach bugis. it started to drizzle. Wat the fuck of all times, it starts to drizzle now.

840pm. tried my luck at the counter. though they were still open but the lady refused to entertain me by saying that all the money for the exam registrations was accounted for and the accounts was closed. AND I GOT TO FUCKING WAIT FOR ANOTHER YEAR TO TAKE MY FUCKING TEST.

850pm. left the place and it was raining heavily. wat else can go wrong?

i know they can refuse me but come on, this is a fucking yearly test. can't they just fucking add $20 into the fucking account? i don't blame them, just got to blame myself for not meeting the deadline. it's okay if something's bad really happen but the thing is, i've been spending my WHOLE FUCKING AFTERNOON WAITING, A FUCKING 5 HOURS WASTED DOING FUCKING NOTHING. works pile up in the office, deadlines to meet and time, wasted.

there are somethings on hind sight could have managed better. and just this once, i fail myself. i'm so damn angry. about everything, my colleague, the tech guy etc etc. feel like bursting out shouting and screaming at them. i just hate it when things are not within my control and feel so helpless when things go wrong. it's alright if i fail the exams but at least i tried. but not managed to take part in it is a sin that i can't forgive myself.

the only saving grace is that i do not need a pass in this exam to enroll in the higher level examinations as you choose the level you're comfortable wif but it really left a sour taste in my mouth.

this failure really shaken and awaken my senses. for far too long, i've been lackadasical about my goals and objectives. always half hearted when doing things. even i go all out is only for awhile. i lack the concentration to focus through out the whole objective like a car running on nitro, fast but burn out even faster.

maybe it's timely that this thing happens. it tells me that "hey, take a pause, realigned and take stock of your goals." and i definately do so.

like a guard dog that once chews on a robber, will not let go, i will relentlessly pursue my goals and objectives. the rest can wait... it's time to be self centred and focus more.

God bless me and give me the strength to achieve the goals that i've set.

Up to You [kanji] by Luna Sea

ha, i managed to type out in 漢字the lyrics of my favourite song.

well, if you need the translation, you can find it in my earlier sad post.

in the meantime, do enjoy as much as i do

 

強く感じて　強く抱きしめて

これから始まる　時を

胸に抱いて　夢に描いて

始まりの鐘が　鳴るよ

 

歩き続けた　探し続けた

やっと見つけた　終わりはないけど

 

君は出来るはず　真実を求めて

 

いつもの様に　語り明かそう

星空の下で　そばに居るから

 

遠く飛べるはず　自由を求めたなら

高く飛べるはず　迷っても

 

この瞳に映る　あなたの姿

輝く為に　ずっと

 

強く感じて　強く抱きしめて

これから始まる　時を

胸に抱いて　夢に描いて

始まりの鐘が　鳴るよ

 

強く感じて　強く抱きしめて

吹き荒れる　風の中で

胸に抱いた　夢が叶うまで

いつまでも変わらない　この愛を

 

夢を見続けて

走り続けて

夢を見続けて

終わりはないから

雨に打たれても

ゆめが滲んでも

明日を信じて

この手は離さない

 

 

Avatar

This is one of my all time favourite band.
i guess you all will know from the number of post that contains the lyrics of this songs
It's quite ironic how i got hook onto this band...

i still remember that i was buying some cds from music junction, causeway point in the late 90s. was it 99 or 98? the sales assistant was playing the song from the album 'Never Sold Out' and the tune 'Up to You' caught my ear. thou i can't understand what they were singing then but the rythem and the music somehow express my emotion, all those pent up frustration. i was hook onto the song and i bought the album immediately without saying and this started my lifelong affinity with band.

from the album, i progress to their earlier works and later than i realised that they're gonna break up soon in the year 2000. i was sad cause i really wanted to catch them live in action and if i need to fly to japan, i'll definitely do so.

the band have accompanied me thru my ups and downs, my army life when the going was tough, my struggles, aspirations and of course, my daily travel. after six years, i'm still in love wif the song 'up to you'.

if you don't help yourself, dun blame others

another day, another month, another incident of terrorist bombing

well, just like the movie 'v for vendetta' says "you can't kill an idea"

 

let me tell you the irony. the terrorist likes the advance of technology but does not wants the price that comes with it. they want to drive the americans out of middle east and be holy again. they want to clamp up but yet enjoying the riches that technology provides.

 

the muslims can't blame other people for casting an suspicious eye on them for many of the terrorist are unfortunately comes for that particular religion. Let me tell you an analogy. If you always read that brand "A" TV always gives you problems, of course you'll shun brand "A". now the company of brand "A" says that it's not fair to lump their TVs and other products that they produce as problematic but as consumers, the trust in brand "A" is lost and you can't blame us for it, as time and time again, the brand "A" TV keeps appearing in the news. Yet they keep blaming others for stereotyping them and treats them unfairly. if they dun want to be brave and stand up to be accounted for, they can't blame other people. I think it's easier to blame others than to be brave isn't it. Nobody wants to be blasphemy against God. when some 'scholars' interpret the holy book to their interpretations, how does normal people stand up to be counted?

 

believing in substance is more important than the form. the problem is, when you get not so clever or partisan fellas to be scholars, you'll get monkeys leading the bunch. if you get a hawkish scholar, all the things he interpret will be hawkish and aggressive. the interpretation, instead of being true to the book will be twisted to suit his thinking. this have always been the problem in religion. when power lies in a hand of a chosen few, it gets abused if there's no counter balance. these will always cropped up when interpretation is done by man for we're not perfect.

 

as long as there's islamic countries that believe that israel have to be destroyed, there will be no peace. it's that simple. the reason is that the jews will not be homeless again. the million lessons they have learned in the holocast is that without a country to call it's own, their fate is not in their hands and lives depend on the whims and fancy of the leader of that country and millions have died...

 

I pity lebanon and the palestinians. they're like pawns in the middle east politics. both are used to suppress israel to the extend of being detrimental to their own development. the palestinians just slap themselves in the face but there's no choice isn't it? the PLO is corrupted and they are sicked of it. thought that hamas might bring them better life but the first thing when they are elected, they want to wipe out israel... just when life is getting better though still shitty, it gets worse. lebanon even worse, one week before the war, life is normal but when the iranians back hizbollah decides to join in the fray, the whole country is bomb to pieces. while all these are happening, the mastermind are laughing away. all blame americans and israel for the mess but who started it in the first place? in the arena of politics, to kill one is to murder but when thousands are dead, it's just statistics. have syria and iran ever thought about the lives of fellow brothers in lebanon and palestinians? to them, their death are justified to satisfy the greater aim. how cheap their lifes are and how insignificant. generations of children destroyed. future? what future?

 

the europeans, they like to think that they are world players and superpowers but infact they are pussies hiding behind the lions back. they just know how to talk or rather use 'diplomacy' but people are taking them for a fool. their economy is in tatters, they can't sustain a full fledge war and neither do they have the balls to put their words into actions. i think by the time they finished talking, the iranians already have their own nuclear bomb.

 

the irony of humans, despite our neverending quest for knowledge, how much have we actually learn?

 

 

 

 

Rollercoaster Ride

Nowadays, it's work work work and more work...
with the coming NDP, I got to work this sat, eve and actual day...
my body clock's all screw up. there are times like on tuesday when i was so damn tired that i slept for 14hrs straight... 10pm to next day wednesday 12noon and i slept some more in the afternoon from 2-6pm and guess what... i can't freaking sleep at night... arrrggg... i only went to bed at 3am and got to wake for work at 7am so the whole bloody cycle starts all over again...

it's been i think 2-3 months since we parted... it's good to be single again. i'm now revebrating with so much energy now and with so much time in my hands that other than spent working, i'm dreaming of things that i long to do. i shall enroll in a electric guitar course. take up skydiving next yr and go get my tooth fix with a braces. with the insane amount of practice and memorising that i got to do for my nihongo aka jap language. it's getting wonderful...

hmmm, the 1st and the 2nd paragraph don't seems to gel yah, one minute complaining of work and the other seems like i got so much time to spare.... yah man, it's a rollercoaster ride and i'm gonna live it to the fullest once again.

like Luna Sea says in Shine:

Nani wo shinjiteiru ka nante Sonna koto mondai ja nai
Shiraketeru kono machi wo SUPIIDO de furikitte
*What is it that you believe in?
What we're facing doesn't have to be a problem
Let's just accelerate and break free of this depressing place

Ima kimi ga kanjiteru Sono omoi dake ni kakete
Azayaka na IMEEJI toori Sou kimi no omoi toori ni
*What is it that you're feeling now?
Just gamble on that feeling, nothing else
Just as you would a clear image
Just go on with what you're feeling

Moeagaru taiyou wa Dare no moto nimo noboru kara
Nagasugiru asu wo matsu yori Ima toki wo kakenukero
*That burning sun rises before everyone
Instead of waiting so goddamn long for tomorrow,
Let's just run through time now

Kimi wa ikiru imi sagasu kedo
Kagayaite kara demo osokunai
Kimi wa ai no imi sagasu kedo
Sou mayowazu ni dakishimete Your Mind
*You search for the meaning of life,
There'll be time to do that later...go on and shine
You search for the meaning of love
But don't hesitate to embrace what's in your mind

Yume wo mite itai no sa Akirametari sezu ni
Dekiru dake no koto wo Toki ga tarinai hodo sa
*I want to dream And never give up on what I dream
I have no time To be doing only things I can do

Yume wo mite irareta nara Tokidoki wa kowareyou
Kono mune ni kizanda Kono netsu wa sameyashinai
*If all I could do is dream I'd break them now and then
It's engraved in this heart of mine This fever will never go down

Kimi wa ikiru imi sagasu kedo
Kagayaite kara demo osoku wa nai
Kimi wa ai no imi sagasu kedo
Mou mayowazu ni dakishimete Your Mind
Ima ijou subete ga kagayakeba ii ne
*You search for the meaning of life,
There'll be time to do that later...go on and shine
You search for the meaning of love
But don't hesitate to embrace what's in your mind
From here on, you should just let everything shine!

Nani wo shinjiteiru ka nante Sonna koto mondai ja nai
Shiraketeru kono machi wo SUPIIDO de furikitte
*What is it that you believe in?
What we're facing doesn't have to be a problem
Let's just accelerate and break free of this depressing place

Ima kimi ga kanjiteru Sono omoi dake ni kakete
Azayaka na IMEEJI toori Sou kimi no omoi toori ni
*What is it that you're feeling now?
Just gamble on that feeling, nothing else
Just as you would a clear image
Just go on with what you're feeling

Moeagaru taiyou wa Dare no moto nimo noboru kara
Nagasugiru asu wo matsu yori Ima toki wo kakenukero
*That burning sun rises before everyone
Instead of waiting so goddamn long for tomorrow,
Let's just run through time now

Emptiness

it's another grumbling post...

i clocked 260km for the weekends. so sick of driving. the thing about car is that it gives you the freedom to go to a place wherever and whenever you want but i try to do too many things at one time so i always ended up tired and burn out for the weekends.

like yesterday, i drove from morning till night. came back home to take a hr's break and off i go again. by the time i reach home, it's already late at night. those things that i'm suppose to do at home like rearrange my wardrobe [after she moved out] house cleaning, change the bedding for my hamsters [yah, i got 2 roborovski], study my jap etc all gone. most importantly, i need sleep... felt like a taxi driver... hmmm, now i know it's not easy being one.

just last last friday on the 7th july, i met an accident. thou it's a minor one but it freaking cost me $3150. damn sad, there goes all my bonus... the bloody idiot infront break hard and i kissed the bumper... in cte and before the braddell flyover. basically, the cars will slow down when nearing the speed camera but lane 1 [outermost lane] from 90km/hr comes to a complete halt...
what can i say, i kissed the bumper so no case...

after the expensive kiss, i stayed 2-3 car length when travelling... yah, i know it's annoying but hey, it's $3150... kissed again it's a downpayment for new car already.

hmmm, what a day... now it's already 11pm and i still got to study my jap cause there's spelling test tomorrow... i think i'm gonna stone in the office tomorrow again...

another day

it's been awhile...
i'm now single and the feeling's a bit weird after having a companion for 4yrs where we do all things together and now alot of things are done alone. there's alot of movies i didn't watch cause it's weird watching alone and it's hard to express joy or sadness to your parents cause of the generation gap. well, i guess i'll get used to it.

somehow i see things differently now. i felt a sense of calmness or have i mistaken it for denial or lost hope? i somehow get bored with the daily routine and wanted to do something else. i wanted to quit my job and move on but i know that it's just a fantasy. i need the dough. hmmm... what a dilemma... i can't derived any joy from my job and it's getting to be a chore even though it pays good and work load is non existent. somehow, i still wanted to do something else... what would it be? i got no idea but just wanted to get outta here. i wanted to travel and live in obscurity.

i'm tired, just tired...

it's over

finally, it has come to an end...

the dreams were good while it lasted...

my first true relationship ended on the my dad's birthday.

this is my second and tomorrow is my mom's birthday.

listed below is my fav song, i managed to find the translation from the net
it expresses what i felt now. right now...
Many thanks to Mina-P

UP TO YOU
Performed by: Luna Sea

Translated by: Mina-P (Email: Minako@senshigakuen.com)
Note: I really didn't take notice of this song until I watched my copy of "Luna Sea: The Final Act Tokyo Dome", which chronicled Luna Sea's final concerts in Tokyo Dome before they broke up. "UP TO YOU" was their second to last song, and I think that really sums things up. It's a cute, uplifting song on its own; as a song played to sum up the feelings of a band breaking up, it's heart wrenching. Literally, when they played this song, every single fangirl in the Dome started bawling. Basically, I see the song two different ways. The first is about love and hoping that it will be returned. The second is a message about finding your own dreams. In a way, they're related. The song's about loving someone more than anything, and loving them to the point of wanting them to find their true selves even if it's not with you. I tried to encompass everything in the translation but, of course, it was tough. In any case, enjoy!

tsuyoku kanjite tsuyoku dakishimete
kore kara hajimaru toki o
mune ni idaite yume ni egaite
hajimari no kane ga naru yo
Feel it strongly Hold me strongly
From now on our time will begin
Keep it in mind Dream of it
The starting bell is ringing

arukitsuzuketa sagashitsuzuketa
yatto mitsuketa owari wa nai kedo
I kept walking I kept searching
At last, I found it but there is no end

kimi wa dekiru hazu shinjitsu o motomete
You can do it, ask for the truth

itsumo no you ni katari akasou
hoshizora no shita de soba ni iru kara
Just like always, let's talk all night long
Underneath the starry sky because I'm here

tooku toberu hazu jiyuu o motometa nara
takaku toberu hazu mayottemo
You can fly far if you asked for freedom
You can fly high even if you're lost

kono me ni utsuru anata no sugata
kagayaku tame ni zutto
Your image is reflected in my eyes
So that it can sparkle always

tsuyoku kanjite tsuyoku dakishimete
kore kara hajimaru toki o
mune ni idaite yume ni egaite
hajimari no kane ga naru yo
Feel it strongly Hold me strongly
From now on our time will begin
Keep it in mind Dream of it
The starting bell is ringing

tsuyoku kanjite tsuyoku dakishimete
fukiareru kaze no naka de
mune ni idaita yume ga kanau made
itsumademo kawaranai kono ai o
Feel it strongly Hold me strongly
Sweep over everything inside of the wind
I kept it in mind until my dreams were granted
Endlessly unchanging this love

yume o mitsuzukete
hashiritsuzuketa
yume o mitsuzukete
owari wa nai kara
ame ni utaretemo
yume ga nijindemo
asu o shinjite
kono te wa hanasanai
I kept dreaming
And running forward
Keep dreaming
Because there is no end
Even if rain beats down on you
Even if dreams run and blur
Believe in tomorrow
I won't let go of your hand

matters of the heart

finally the crunch time is here.
i've sms my gal asking her that have she been truthful to me. yes or no. well, as i expected, she said no. to me, it's as good as asking whether you are a thief. but the thing is, i just want to hear from the horses' mouth since i already know the truth. though the truth hurts but it's the truth isn't it? she told me that we'll talk about it when we meet up at home but then i told her, since you lied about being truthful, what's there to talk about? hearing more lies from you?

she came back to my house at midnight, pack her stuff and when back to her home to sleep. i think she's confuse about our state of relationship. whether to stay or go. anyway, this is the first time in more than 3yrs that she pack her bag and went back home to sleep.

these few days, i've been controlling my emotions. how do you sleep together with someone knowing that she's not truthful to you? it's like sleeping with the enemy thou not to that extreme. so let me see, how long have we been together? 4yrs, 4mths and 7days. how do you let it all go? i've asked myself about the consequences on asking her about the 'truth' thing. how much are you willing to let go or how far are you willing to go? are you prepared to risk it all? after some lengthy thoughts, i told myself that if it happens once, twice, it'll definitely happen again. it's better to cut my loses before the wager ( hope) gets too big and too late. anyway, the answer is quite simple isn't it? if she's willing to risk a 4yrs relationship, you can already tell how much a person values it. if she dun values the relationship, why should you?

am i sad? sure.
but not to the extend of being paralysed, world collapsed etc.
the kind of sadness when things dun go out your way, kanna play out.
i've weathered many storms and one super big heartache during my teens. compared to this, no big deal just that after being so long together and doing many things together, it takes time to get use to being alone again.

i've got my pride.
i've got this trait in me: if after being together and when another fella pursues you and you consider whether to jump ship, i'll bail out. i dun blame the other fella, everybody got the right to go after one another even he/she's married but when your gal starts to consider her options, to me, it's like she's got doubts in our relationship or hoping for something better. it just mean that you're second choice cause if you're the first or she's satisfied with what she have, she wouldn't even consider in the first place.

is the end in sight?
well, in a day or two, we shall know the answer. she's sorting out her thoughts now. when she's ready for a frank heart to heart talk, we'll know then. till then, i'm hoping for the worst. is it the worst or the best since i know the truth? let's just say, no matter what the outcome is, it's for the better.

i'm willing to let it all go, be it 4yrs or 10yrs. i can't stand it when ppl is not truthful.

Election Fever

Well well well,
what we got here.... election is here again!

have you been reading the papers? hmmm, do you feel like there's so much spam about the lightning party that you feel like trashing the paper? well, i do! i know that the straits times is pro gahment but come on, there's so much advertising about PAP that i'm so sick of it. every page i turn is news about PAP. either it's new candidates or new places to upgrade. you might think that for a moment, there's no opposition at all.

the way the gahment puts it, it's like even there's one opposition in the paria-ment, singapore will fall and economy will sky dive. "they're like bombs waiting to go off" etc etc... arrrgg come on PAP you can do better than this. i'm not asking you to give opp a handicap, at least level the playing field. i think if the gahment gets 70% of the total vote, it'll consider a very good result because there are people who just don't like PAP.

talking about the opposition, 2 words summed it up -> "Fucked Up"

in bigger countries and i mean much much bigger like states, australia or brits, you only have two choice, democrats or republicans, labour or conservatives etc... in singapore? you got SDA, SDP, Worker party etc. we sure got lots of choices, too much indeed. duh! for the greater good of the country, they need to put aside their ego and consolidate into one major opp party vs the incumbent. the opp also reminds me of women, they want whole cake and eat it too, best of both worlds. leave the not popular matters like economy, jobs creation etc to the PAP but take the popular vote like fighting for the people, injustice etc. talk is so cheap. SHOW ME THE MONEY!!! SHOW ME SOME SUBSTANCE!!!

both PAP and OPP are evil, it's just the matter of choosing the lesser of the two. do i hate the PAP? no i don't, i just dislike the civil service which are chaired by old pensioners with big fat pay packets doing shit. the top management is worse, if they are in a private company, the company will go bust in no time with their old thoughts, ways and ultimate inefficencies.
prices going up, everything's up except our pay. to be exact, the middle and the lower rungs' pay. the top management has it good wif fat bonus. things they do dun really justify.

i know i'm going off topic but it really really pisses me off.

read that the hammers are contesting the PM's ward. i'm like what the fuck? i mean they are just contesting for the sake of contesting. the reasons that i can think of is 1) keep the PM from gathering votes, persuading ppl to vote the PAP. 2) gain some experience 3) keep the party in the limelight, raise the profile. it only shows one thing, the lack of common sense, immaturity and just plain unprofessional of the opp. dun tell me about the david and goliath shit or fairy tale ending. this is not a game. time and money is better spent serving the public from other constituencies. if they sent credible opp who can provide an alternatives, it's okay but not those 30+ young punks who can't even tell me what they are gonna do if they ever win. there's not plan b. how to entrust the country to their hands??? they should learn to walk before flying, dun chew more than they can eat.

talking about the dr chee bye soon juan. this fella is a joker. i wonder does he have the singaporean's interests at heart. when election comes, instead of fighting for the ppl, he go get himself sued till jialat jialat. all the money he spent on court cases is enough to build covered shelters linking the whole of holland v. if he's ever serious about going against PAP, he would have tried ways and means to get himself elected and fight in out in the paria-ment. not after being sued and run to australia and make a fool of himself and singapore there. when he makes unsubstantiated remarks, he's not only making the PAP look bad, that's not important, but most importantly, makes singaporean looks like slaves to the PAP, unable to think for themselves, a total fool. that's what i hate.

what kind of opp i want... someone who can give me plan b, show me some substance and stop blabbering and get themselves sued. the time and money wasted in court is better serve to the public. most importantly, put aside their egos, instead of being loose sand, unite for goodness sake, for the ppl.

until then, my vote will always goes to the PAP.

piracy vs the big guns

The question is: Do You Support Piracy?

yes, i do! and here's why...

to me, piracy is a leverage against the monopoly of the big boys.
it levels the playing field not in terms of downloading the song or movies online but in a sense that it forces the big guns to rethink about their pricing and consumer relation strategy.

for too long, they have bullied us with their ridiculous pricing and unresonable demands. piracy forces them to change tack and be more consumer-centric. yes, the big boys may cry about losing huge amount of earnings etc but come on, dun take me for a fool. the figures they state are all estimates. nobody can verify so it's your words against mine. about the lose of revenue thus reducing the investment of new acts or singers etc. it's a load of bull. if the fella's good, the market forces will drive the companies to compete to sign the fella.

on an lighter note, piracy actually increases the sales of playstation 2 and xbox. why do you think so many singaporean buy those two and not nintendo ds? it's because the game is cheap and good to play. if xbox 360 comes out and there's no pirated games for it, the console sales will drop cause ppl can't afford to buy the expensive games and if PS3 comes out with the mod version while xbox 360 does not, PS3 will definitely outstrip microsoft not matter how much they spent on marketing, this i dare to say. if PSP allows users to play mod games instead of the freaking umd, it'll fly off the shelf. it's a fact really, singaporeans seldom buy game review mags as mostly are imported from the states thus cost a min of $12-$20. so imagine i spent my $70 on a game that sucks big time, i'll be cursing and swearing but what happens to the kid who save up for it? i actually think of a strategy for it, either come out with a compilation of demo disk like in pc but not through game review mag (too ex) or allow pirated games to build the critical mass of xbox 360 owners first then cut off the supply so you'll have many ppl with console but not the pirate games. ~evil~

why i buy pirated dvds
1) some movies are not worth the cinema price so it's straight to dvd but since dvd is more expensive then a movie ticket, it gotta be pirated.
2) they do not allow us to burn a spare copy incase the original is scratched
3) the regional coding is a bloody inconvenience to consumers
4) the bloody censors who does not have common sense
5) it's available much faster in the black market than thru Poh Kim
6) but you can't deny the price factors

with all said, i do buy original dvd and games. i've bought a pirated Ratchet and Clank 2 but i got myself a original one even after i've completed the pirated version cause i find that it's a very good game and not supporting it an injustice. all the hits like final fantasy and metal gear series are all original but tell me the truth, are you gonna spent $90 for an original star wars monopoly game? come on let's face the truth. i've gotten the original LOTR and matrix special edition movies cause it's worth every penny of it and there's alot more

so do i download songs and movies? songs, i used to do so but not anymore. movies? nah, imagine i got to wait for a few days to finish download the whole movie, it's too much of a hassle...

so the fact is, dun expect me to pay top dollar for crap games, movies etc.

we're like electric current, we go to the cheapest source, it's less resistance
unless there's a gahment diode to force us oneway

the end of holidays

later in the morning, i'll be up to go to work but i can't get to sleep. cause when i wake up, it'll be the end of the holidays and my schedule is damn pack for the whole of january with classes to attend after work and it'll be from morning 8 to 9pm daily till end of jan. seems that i'm unwilling to let go of the holidays. it have been a very slack holidays but it does gave me ample time to reflect on my life, actions and my previous year.

i've put on weight, well to be exact fats... i managed to keep my weight constant but my six pack's gone and it's replaced by a spare tyre. hmmm, it's time to embark on a exercise regime to get back in shape. last year was a slack year in terms of keeping fit. din run as much as my mind wants and drank too much coffee which results in bloated stomach and indigestion. with lots of fellas dropping dead, i got to keep my diet in check.

reality hits and i realised that i'm gonna be a year older. seems like the older you grow, the more responsibilities there are to shoulder. got to juggle the needs of family, work, galfren and myself. got to plan more in detail for my future and how much to save to meet the needs. sometimes, the burden as the only son really shows and i can't really disappoint my parents. i've always wonder why other ppl can be so worry-free while i got to think of so many solutions for lots of ppl. for example, when i was holidaying with my parents, sis and her two kids and my galfren, i ended up planning the whole trip (with inputs from my galfren), taking care of the accomodation, airticks and transportation. when i was in hongkong, i ended up being the tour guide even thou it's my first time there. nobody wants the responsibilities but wants to enjoy. my galfren ain't helping much as she complains about the schedule, timing etc. i was like, look, i paid for the whole freaking trip, ensure everything is taken care of, becomes the tour guide and i din even get to enjoy myself, at times i even becomes the nanny for the two kids. what the fuck??? and here you are complaining??? on the 3rd day, i told her off and said, look, why dun we change role for a day and i'll ask you what to do, where to go, what to take? after flipping the maps and looking at the our pre-planned itinerary, what she say? she's not familiar and dun know what's our preference. i scolded her saying that it's not as easy as it seems trying to satisfy everybody's needs and i'm not familiar too but somebody got to do the job. if you ain't got solution, dun complain. ppl always like to add in five cents and got no solutions, ended up giving more problems.

the other day, my gal ask me about my future plans after she had a chat wif my mom. she said i should start planning how to take care of them and support them. i told her not to worry as i had in mind what to do. she then started to tell me that it's not easy as i got to consider this and that. i asked her when did she start thinking about the future? she told me it was after the chat wif my mom. i told her that i already know what to do 4 yrs ago. come on, there have to be contigency planning. nobody can guarantee that they won't die that soon. and if i do go that early, what happens to my parents? is my insurance and cpf enough to cover for their retirement. it's easy to die but the shit left behind, who's gonna clear for you? sometimes, ppl take things so easily thinking that nothing will go wrong. well, they can afford to but i can't. i got to think of how to ensure that my parents sustain their living after they have retire etc. other ppl dun have to or they dun care but that's their problem.

that's why i get frustrated sometimes as ppl always wants me to think of solutions or do for them. is ppl getting fucking stupid or are they plain lazy? i've met ppl in my work that telling them the solution is not enough, you have to bring them there, show them how to do it. if that's the case, i might as well do for you and you go fuck off. where's the initiative to think for oneself? the worst kind is the type where if the thing can't work, they just stop there waiting to be rescued. they dun even borther to ask for solution until you ask them how's it going. come on ppl, get a life!!!

i really for once wants to be like them, asking ppl for solutions without thinking through what to do. it's great in a way, lesser responsibilities, lesser headache too, anything goes wrong just push the blame as i'm not the one who came out with the solutions. isn't that great?

it's really tiring having the can-do spirit facing so many can't do or won't do ppl...

let's hope and pray that i dun meet ppl like these for 2006 and if best, never ever.

for those who read this post and think i'm having problems wif my relationship wif my gal, dun think, we're fine and we both love each other very much. thank you.

Whew! 2006 is here !!!

well, every beginning of the year requires resolutions and goals. it's also a grim reminder that i'm not getting any younger. what would i want to do to exchange a day of my life for? if taken in retrospect, imagine the day that i've change my life for is spent stoning at home, that'll make me regret as it can be better spent elsewhere.

well, these are the things i hope to accomplished this year. the goals are quite lame compared to others but screw them, this is My Life.

1) bring my whole family overseas for 2 holidays
2) achieve my target savings for this year
3) collect the transformers and macross on my wanted list
4) get ippt gold
5) pass JLPT 4
6) achieve min 15% returns on stocks
7) finish all the books on my shelf


biggest wish of 2006 - win the toto first prize. yah man !!!

The year in perspective 05 - part II

on a lighter note, i finally got my driving licence the week before the lunar chinese new year on 5th feb 05. i managed to complete and pass within 2 months. still remember that i've enrolled in end nov 30th i think. and in dec, i've got to go to thailand for overseas training for 2 weeks so that means roughly, i got it in 6 wks. the days leading to the test date was packed as i only get to attend my lessons mostly during the weekends, so any off days or free weekend, i'll be at the driving centre. as the rule states that i got to complete all my lessons one week before my test date, i've practically become a taxi driver during weekends as i took 3 lessons in a day which is equivalent to around 5 hrs of driving with only 3, 10 to 15mins break. the instructor is also bored to see me cause no chance to teach pretty gals in their short skirts and safety belted enhanced breast. i always got an instructor who played and rotated the 12 songs in his mp3 phone. imagine listening it for 5 hours... and i even got some of the songs in my mp3 player, arrrggg. i told him to change but he said that he only got these so no choice.

if i have failed the test, i wound be like a deflated balloon cause i would have lost my momentum like what i did for my bike. i took my bike lessons 1 to 2 yrs before my class 3 car licence. failed twice and miss the other 3 test. so after 3 yrs, i've still not gotten my bike licence and ironically, i got my car's in 6 weeks. so i took it that i'm not fated to ride bike and give it up. i finally stopped extending my bike booklet last oct.

05 is also when i became aggressive in my hobbies of collecting transformers and macross. started in july 04 when my fren recommended me to the bineltech series and since then i was hooked. i think that it might be the fact that i can't afford them during my childhood days so i'm kind of like recapturing them now. as of now, i've spent more that 4k on them. not alot compared to others but quite a significant investment for me. i've finally complete collecting my five coloured magnus/prime: red, white, jafcon black, shining yellow and diaclone blue. having a hobby keeps me sane and something to occupy my mind. always something to look forward to. now, it's all stock up in boxes and overflowing into my living room. really wanted to display them but got no place to do so.

i've finally fulfilled my wish of bringing my whole family to hongkong in nov. to me, as a cantonese, you have to go to hongkong and not guangzhou. we had a fun time there and visited disney too. should have written a blog on it before the memories fade. well, there's so much things to write about it.

in jun, i've changed my kitchen as my mom always nagged about it. went to ikea again... it made my mom so happy. it's always good to make my parents happy. feeling that i've done some part in returning their hardwork in raising me up.

in dec, i finally can't take it anymore about my messy room and started tidying up. I've installed new aircon and a new door grill and got some furnitures from my fav store ikea. haha. it forces my parents to clean up the house too because to the minor renovation done by the aircon. so ended up, my family did a major spring cleaning before the 06 chinese new year. now, i felt so much better about my room.

well, i shall not talk about my work but got promoted and got a pay increase. yeh.

i've also enrolled in a japanese language course in dec that'll keep me busy every mon and wed till jun. hope i can sustain the momentum and fulfill what i've always wanted to do.

in short, i've completed alots of goals and things thou mostly for others. there are times when i question myself that after giving so much to other people, what have i got in return. there are times that i feel what have others done for me. sometimes, it's a burden to provide happiness to others yet got none inreturn. well, those moments have past and this year, i pray to complete my goals and have a even more fulfilling one than last. God bless everyone.

The year in perspective 05 - part 1

finally the year had came to an end as i look back on my accomplishment and failures with hindsight or rather what should have happen. well, i'm glad to say that i got no regrets on how i've spent the past yr in exchange for my life.

it has been turbulent for me and my family in the beginning of the year when my bro-in-law was diagnosed with cancer. it was quite sudden and next thing we know, he had gone for greener pasture with God. still remember the times when we went to the tan tock seng hospital to visit him. for a strong and fit man, i believe he fought all he could for his life to be with his children. how ironic life is when the best among the 4 bros passed away first while the fat lazy bum still surviving. thou i can't understand the reasons but i believe God knows what he does.

my family give the two young kids the best within our means to live life to the fullest. i bought toys for them during special occasions like birthday and during major holidays. we brought them to the movies to watch cartoons and even for overseas holidays. there are times when discipline is needed, my family will not hesitate to step in and if caning is required, my sis will teach. looking at the kids, i think they are very well behave compared to my noisy neighbours' whose kids always scream and yell even to their grandparents. my family will not tolerate this form of disrepect from our own. compared to my own childhood, jacob and tammy definitely have it much better than mine. i took my first flight overseas only when i'm in my teens and for every toy i got, i had to beg my parents for it and tell them why i wanted it so badly. i got to rationalise the toys and decide what to choose. still remember that i begged and cried for 2 hours at sogo shopping centre for mask toys, condor and vampire and that have not included the previous week where i nagged her for it. movies? nobody brought me to movies when i was their age so i got to wait for blockbuster movies like rambo 2, rocky etc then i got to watch with my family. i got to watch my first show alone when i was 11yrs, not that old but my parent's are too busy and they think it's not worth it. what to do, i save from my pocket money to watch alone. ha, still remember that the ken air funworld arcade in parkway parade is very popular, i travelled alone from jurong taking bus to parkway with only 3 dollars in my pocket. after buying drinks and snacks, i've only $2 which is only enough for 4 games at 50cents each. i played the shooting game which when you hit it, it will spurt water at unsuspecting players and bystanders alike. i was only 11 then. my nephew, he's playing my ps2 and xbox since the age of 5. from me fighting the boss for him in ratchet and clank 1-3 till he complete it himself. now, he's better than me at playing spiderman2.

haha, this supposed to be retrospective of year 05. nearly turned it to my childhood memories.