What If ???

After drinking tea with my dad at Ya Kun this evening, we went to Popular Bookstore and I happened to chance upon a book "Humoresque" by Catherine Lim. Saw a prose titled or decribes about "What If". It just sets me thinking.

What if I'm given a chance to relive my life again, would I do anything different?

No.

The path that I chose then was "best" option that I could have taken given the situation that I was in. Hindsight is just but a feedback which enables a person to gain experience and perspective. Hopefully makes a person wiser.

However, the more pressing "What If" question is about now, the present. Given the chance to right things that were presumably wrong or to carve out a future. With so many paths to choose, what will you choose? Subconsciously, the "What If" question will pop out asking what if you choose path B instead?

There are times that I felt something is wrong with the world and I felt so out of place. However, with the world functioning smoothly daily, I can only conclude it is me that is wrong to begin with. Maybe it's my job that causes so many questions about what if or maybe it's my life. Something just don't fit and I just can't put my finger on it.

I was chilling out, soaking myself in the bathtub in the middle of the night in the hotel room in Macau. There, I felt so strange. Not with the surroundings but just that I felt I don't fit in with the mainstream. I felt the urge to let everything go and just retreat to a corner of the world. I felt like travelling and walking until I can find a place to fit in.

Should I quit my job?

With the certainty of a stable and well paying paycheck, it's hard to say no but the fact that I'm asking myself time and time again speaks about something, i just don't fit in. I know that if I stayed on, I would have asked myself this question again and again. I would have regretted.

What's holding me back?

I'm hitting 30 and with no valuable experience to contribute to the society, it would be hard to command the same paycheck. Would I be satisfy with a smaller paycheck and most important of all, would I regret leaving my job which leads me again to the previous para. Would I regret leaving my job or will I regret not leaving?

Life is much more simplier if only I don't think too much.

If I choose to be a robot and just heck care. Everyday, go to work and wait for the montly paycheck, life will be so simple and... meaningless. That will be the mediocre life or a normal lifestyle of a Singaporean.

Work - get married - work - raise kids - work - retire and die.

I think I just don't like my job and it's causing so much problems.

If that's the case, what would I want to do?

Resign and face a uncertain future with the wind in my face, heads up to the world.

Stay on, complained and get depressed about my life.

Somehow, the more I write, the clearer the picture becomes. I've written a few post on it, harping about my life and I realised that if I don't do something about it, the "What If" will turn into regrets.

I just got to focus on the Plan A and Plan B.

Remember the date: 30th May 2009.