８月２８日２００７年
my immediate superior asked me whether i'm gonna continue my contract as the management is holding a meeting today to discuss the advancement plan. I told him no and out of his good intentions, he refer me to another senior colleague of mine to seek advice. we talk in length and he said e branch head will be the more suitable person to discuss the terms of the second contract. some how, the br head n i ended up talking about why i wanna leave instead and then it's no turning back.
what started as a normal day having coffee n breakfast at 9am at a coffeeshop ends up wif a storm, initially, i've decided to inform them later this year but somehow, i've already "showed hand". suddenly, alot ppl are curious as another colleague of mine is also not continuing. i ended up going for lots of interviews and they somehow portray that other companies as not as forgiving, more intense n lesser advancement. there are times where i felt like a made a wrong choice after all the persuasion with the good pay n a comfy life. my contract still has a yr n half to go, i know that i'll be placed in the bottom of the appraisal to save the rest who stayed and my bonus gone.
the aftermath was weird. i felt like i'm going thru a divorce proceeding and the following 1.5 yrs is like the waiting period to be officially certified that you are. after being in my job for so long, it had as if became my wife and due to some irreconcilable differences, we're gonna part. some part of me felt insecure, worrying about the world. felt like there's so much factors going against me.
yet some part of me knows that i've made the right choice. the thought of me at 50yrs old still doing the same thing scares me. I look at my seniors and I felt ashamed that they are under-appreciated wif the amount of experience and knowledge they have. e company does not really reward ppl wif passion and drive and I would have felt like i've wasted my life away when there's so much more to experience. most importantly, in short, i wouldn't know how far i could go or how high i can climb. i would live a life of regrets.
i want to be free.
i want to be able to make choices while i'm still free of liabilities. with my bridges burned, there's only one way to go now and it's forward. no turning back and of course, no regrets.
９月８日２００７年
today, i felt so much happier. i know i've made the right choice. with the burden off my shoulders, i felt more passionate about life as there's something to look forward to. life has more meaning and the drive that i've lost came back to me. felt there's so much possibilities. currently studying japanese and i hope i can pass my jlpt 3 this year and jlpt 2 next year. i guess we shouldn't be too afraid to live and trod a different path. what matters most is that we have no regrets.
神様を信じて、明日はよかったでしょう。
"there's a reason why our eyes are grown infront of our face and not at the back of our head.
cause there's no point looking back..."
